FUNERALS 101

My grandpa recently passed away and  I have been busy with the wake and the funeral along with the rest of my family for the past week. It seems to appear that alot of distant relatives and friends seem to have no concept of proper etiquette during the mourning period. I am not sure if I am being unfairly harsh, but I just had to put my thoughts down on the whole matter and let it out.

1. When the grandchildren or the children of the deceased greet you, you really shouldn't go, "Don't you know who I am?" I have apologised for not knowing who you are, but honestly, I have never seen you and how am I supposed to know that you are the 3rd daughter of the 2nd granduncle who is the blood brother of my great grandfather from the same village in China? I am not Miranda Priestly and I do not have 2 minions who have the entire list of people who my grandfather may or may not have met in his entire life. You really should not continue and say, "I can't believe you don't know who I am. Hmph." My grandpa is the one who everyone should know as everyone has turned up today to mourn his passing and celebrate his life.

2. During the final rites, when the priest is chanting, everyone should really be silent and pay their respects. I do NOT want to hear you laughing over a joke, squealing that you just got a high score on candy crush, or telling two other gossipy ladies when you are planning to get plastic surgery. I am not sure how any of that is relevant to the last rites. You also do not walk in front of the priest and go look at the body while he is trying to do something. I would have assumed it was common sense. You do not get to throw the family dirty looks just because we told you to keep quiet. Trust me, I am a way bigger bitch that you are and when it comes to a look of death, I learnt from the best, my grandpa.

3. The children and grandchildren are not your slaves. We appreciate you coming to the wake and also the contribution that you have made towards the funeral. However, that does not give you the right to order them around and ask for things to be done STAT. No lives are going to be lost because we are trying to get the orders from the previous table settled. I am not trying to be rude when I say that I will get to you in a minute.

4. My love for my grandfather is not equivalent to how much money I make. I am proud of being a doctor, but being a doctor does not make me love him more or less. It has nothing to do with money or occupation. It is also not a place to compare me with your grand-daughter to see who is better. I obviously won hands down. It is even worse to throw in a bitchy comment when you have lost. Don't be a sore loser in a game that you have started.

5. The close family members are grieving. If you wanted to partake in viewing at the crematorium and be part of that, you really should not complain when there is already a bus hired to take you to a place nearby where you can then get home. I really do not understand how it is appropriate to complain loudly that there is no food court near where we have decided to let to you alight, and proceed to badger the crying members to change the location.

6. Lastly, this is NOT your funeral. You do not get to decide where your friends sit and move things around. You do not get to walk around and order every one around like you are the HOT BITCH ON CAMPUS. 

I am not sure if I am just being indignant for my grandpa because I want everything to go smoothly for him. If you want people to be respectful during your funeral, do the same for them. If you want visitors to treat you nicely during the wake, do the same to the family who is mourning. If you want people to respect you no matter how much money you make, do the same for them. Please understand that filial piety is something you do everyday, not just at the funeral or when the person is sick, it is not a show that one puts on just when relatives are around. I really wonder how you would feel if someone were to ask you to put your hand on your dying relative because a visitor is looking and when you don't because you would prefer to do privately, the said person makes snarky comments that you are not filial. That person was not there during all the times you took your grandfather out, visited him with his favourite cakes, accompanied him to his doctor's appointments, when you kept vigil when he was sick. Does it make you less of a grandchild just because you do not make a show of your affections for a random person who barely knows your family? I may be old school, but certain things are meant to be kept private.

At the end of the day, I really appreciate all these people coming down and taking time out from their busy schedule to pay their last respects. It is both time and money that they have put in, but do unto other what you want others to do unto you. I am sorry for showing that I was displeased at all these people because it may have caused my grandmother to lose face in front of her relatives that her eldest grand-daughter was rude, but I was trying to make his passing as dignified as possible. I am not sure if this is just normal that people act like this in Singapore because I have been for a couple of funerals and it was never like that. If this is the norm, change should really happen.

To my grandpa, I know what you would have said about them and you would have said it with a smirk and a cheeky grin, but I shall not repeat it here. You were the best grandpa ever. Teaching me to play roulette when I was 4, taking me on the swings, laughing at me when I was fat and making the most inappropriate comments ever. I won't forget that and I hope that you are at peace.